Time cannot be mentioned to count back when I’m with you.I’m getting a little change to be soft after I met with you.They may say it’s because of love but I don’t want to introduce what’s love to me.I’m just staying and feeling so much fun with you in crazy.Yes,you don’t ask me for love and I’m not also ready for it.The only universal truth is like how much I feel happy and sweet while we are talking online.You bring me back to bear my smiles and take my soul into laughing so much time.We both have once felt down of heart-broken and I guess that doesn’t let me escape for joy in love again yet.Well,I don’t know what I’m going to do or say about feeling on you.All I can say is I’m so happy to chat with you .
When I was young, I had no idea what I was and what I wanted to become. I listened too much to what other said what I was and where I should have gone better. And I thought it might have been me and my future even without any doubt. Sure! I supposed to make others glad for being what they wanted me to become was a good job especially for good girls. It is funny!!!.. Now I know.. Haha
Well, I tried very hard to be a nice girl for those who always judged me how I should have done. I cannot even describe how deep I was proud of myself when I heard
‘ How clever you are!’
from them for what I have done as what they desired. I did not even know that it drove me foolish by lack of thinking.
However, there was always a part of me that searched what I wanted to do, talk, act and go behind them. And I cannot help thanking that part of me nowadays for turning my eyes into the right world. Let’s go back! Sure, I was never able to stop researching those a few questions in every night before bedtimes. I had no one to discuss with what I wanted at that time. It was terrible!… I swear that having no body to tell a little bit about what you are thinking must be the most loneliest time in the world. Yes. . I did have those moments. Well…anyhow, I trusted myself that I was special.
So, I started to talk to myself. Oh yes! Are you wondering if I was out of my mind? Haha … Of course not! I was too intelligent to waste my time of thinking and getting depression on having no one beside me for my little talk. I talked myself,
‘ I will become a good person and all I want is coming to me.’
‘ I did great today!’
‘ I am a nice girl.’
in every single night before I went sleep.
Moreover, when I got up and went for clean up, I whispered to myself like..
‘ I am still alive.’
‘ I am still alive.’
‘ Oh, I can do everything I want to.’
‘ Yes! Yes! Yes! I’m a good girl.’
in every morning.
It was not enough for me to keep talking myself like that. I wrote those motivational words on many pieces of papers, in my books and even on the sand, leaves, old sheets that tended to throw, tissues whenever I got chances to wrote. What I aimed was that I wanted to let the whole me know I am special that I will make the life I am into one day in the future. I did continue writing much more when I felt I had nothing and others tried to drag me down than I have done ever before.
It is very special. You know? I came less stress and fear but gained more and more confidence. The most important thing what I feel most satisfied is that I could ignore what others’ opinions to me. I am able only to focus on what the inner soul says to me. What I want to be, what I enjoy and what I really want to work become the majority of my life now.
So far, I am fearless of asking for anything I feel I want to. I am not afraid of saying ‘NO’. I enjoy myself. I feel so much confortable with myself. I have self-respect. I am now working what I am actually keen on.
Every day is now meaningful.
I feel loved, peaceful, happy and can even truly see the meaning of my existence.
I live every single moment that I keep breathing in and out.
What about you?
You can live every day. It is your life. Yes, it is yours! Nobody else’s. Just try to enjoy your existence.
March 23, 2019
Trying is to hold my breath softly when I see I am different.
Remembering is to keep my soul with my body when I feel small and huge.
Rewarding is to give myself a good place which I suppose to relax with a book plus nice latte.
Here I go
There I reach
Nothing much you may see
But deepest meaning is right here together with me.
Nothing can make any negative over me.
As I love myself, I give time for myself then
Winning is to smile at myself and say
‘ I am special and I know I can do that’.
What about yours?
In my thought, you are in amazing without asking.
I like to be alive then, nobody needs clap.
In my thought, I am happy without getting from
I like being something meant to them.
In my thought, sometimes, I even have no idea what I am thinking still
Is it correct or wrong? What is happening then?
There is always something I keep thinking of myself, specially about my existence. I was born on a date of many years ago and now still breathing in and out with this body. Is that a body that I really own or is that a body that someone owned ever before me? I am not sure of that.
Thoughts are coming from here to there throughout of my mind. Though I did try to seek the results, a part of me cannot have stopped dreaming to become something big deal in the future. So there I was, behaved, stood for what I got keen on to become. I forgot some facts I tried to get to know for sure.
Life is happening to me good and bad, white and black. I was found by myself right there after that old soul has talked to the young me. I was right there, laughing at the younger me. I was right there encouraging the youngest me. Then I kept moving on towards the curved space with the support of the present me.
My journey is not here to the end. It keeps going on and on. It was too long in deep. It precisely is. Whoever wants to get rid of it, the truth is that no one can but myself. The spirit flows all over me.
Yesterday I saw that young me, smiling with a passionate eyes that showed all appreciation what she has got and given.
The me I see right now extremely wishes the me I will be in the future perceived what the true repercussions are …
Dec 23rd, 2018
I wish you had a merry Christmas! I love Christmas so much. Yes, I really do. Why? Every Christmas gives me something very special for the rest of my life. Last Christmas, I have got a very romantic evening spending time together with someone wiith Hazel eyes. He is so lovely. I like him so much and also hope it is true that he said he liked me very bad. Oh, I wish we could meet again on this Christmas though, I guess he is happy with his mother country now. Whatever, I am too glad if he now gets the happiness by himself. Well, this is how much I miss him so bad on Christmas I think. But I can be happy by my soul actually.
I am now working on the one of my dreams. Sure it came to me so much perfectly. I love it. I do love and proud of what I am working now. Everyday is beautifully meaningful to me. It is brilliant. My colleagues? Absolutely yes, let me show you their pictures here with photos. Wow! Look at their adorable faces without the masks that are meant to the fake. I could not belive I am there in. We were celebrating our Pre Christmas by singing and dancing. Every single moment was pretty stunning.
‘Great Things Take Time’, I truly believe that by heart. I was in the dark in search of light and keep on chasing it then finally, I can do it. It is in my hand and shinning completely bright like the star. I do it because I trust it. I trust it because I love it. I love it because I think. I am very proud of myself being a part of what I have been dreaming of.
In fledgling days when I obeyed the angle of light, my sky side woke at night, describing lives I had never known, written on stolen pages torn from school notebooks, secrets and stories to be stored deep in the left hand drawer. My earth side spun in the sunshine, spilling glee over barn yards and […]
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